shorts- what I have to say about them:

I just don't think that shorts are acceptable...ever. The only time I believe it's ok to wear pants that are "too short", is when they are made out of frilly lace, and are so short they crawl up your ass as you walk around Sin City. 

This excludes skirts of course. Let's be clear. Skirts are not shorts...shorts are evil.

Sometimes I wonder is there's a reason I have it in for shorts...I contemplate whether or not shorts would be acceptable if I had Elle MacPherson's gams. 

I just don't know....

They are just unacceptable as far as I'm concerned...unless they are worn in the context stated above, or are made from tweed, you are a six-foot tall anorexic person, with some crazy colored tights worn underneath, topped off with a pair of those killer snakeskin Louboutin platforms...